Your belief in love has been shaken to its core.
You’ve been disappointed by one too many unavailable guys.
You’ve suffered through a lifetime of flakes, liars, losers and players.
You’ve wasted your youth on selfish commitmentphobes.
Your faith in men has been shattered, again and again.
Your tolerance for dating and online dating is less than zero.
I understand. You’re a smart woman. Smart women make smart choices based on available evidence — and anyone in your position would likely come to the same conclusion: you’d better take a semi-permanent break from dating.
You go through your post-break-up hibernation.
You have your crying time.
You throw yourself into your work.
You lean heavily on your girlfriends.
You read good books, watch bad TV, and lick your wounds for a bit.
You get back to the gym.
You plan a girls’ weekend.
You fill up your life with things you love.
Months go by. Years, even.
Until suddenly, magically, the black cloud over your head starts to lift.
You emerge from your cocoon, ready to enjoy life again. You still feel occasional pangs of sadness, but, for the most part, you’re back to your old self.
More importantly, you don’t find yourself obsessing about that one guy anymore.
In fact, you don’t think about ANY guys anymore.
You don’t want to. You don’t need to.
It’s not that dating never crosses your mind. But every time you feel that yearning for love, your negative thoughts keep flooding back, reminding you of all the reasons you shouldn’t even try to get back out there.
“I’m not good at relationships.”
“Most men have way too much baggage and emotional immaturity.”
“The men I like don’t want me, and I don’t like the men who do want me.”
“Online dating always makes me feel worse about myself.”
“I can’t waste any more time on another guy who disappoints me.”
“I don’t think I can trust my own judgment.”
“Love has always let me down. Why would I try it again?”
These thoughts feel right. They make sense.
Now that you’re back to feeling like 95% of your former self, why risk your good spirits on something as unpredictable as dating?
Hope is what allows you to believe your life can always get better.
Hope is what keeps you motivated to overcome challenges at work.
Hope is the ember of a fire that burns quietly inside you, yearning for true love.
You’ve consciously decided to blow that fire out.
You’re busy. You’re content. Life goes on.
Or so you’d like to think.
But whether you like it or not, sooner or later, after some family gathering, wedding or silly romantic comedy, your inner voice finally speaks up:
“I miss being in love.”
You hate that voice — that vulnerable sap inside you who actually wants to be cherished by a man. You shut her down immediately.
“No! Dating is a nightmare. Men are not to be trusted. Love is a waste of time.”
It’s a compelling case. You have a lot of bad experiences to support it.
You think back to the men who have hurt you.
You consider the years you have wasted.
You put on a happy face to the world.
You say to anyone who asks:
“I don’t want a man. I don’t need a man. Life is so much better this way.”
And it’s true. Life IS better without the pain of a bad relationship. But it’s not nearly as inspiring and joyful as it can be with a GREAT relationship.
While you can try to ignore your hopeful voice, you can never fully silence it. Your hopeful voice speaks for the real, authentic you, and it’s saying:
Search your soul and you’ll know this is true.
You’re NOT truly satisfied being single.
You’re merely making the best of your circumstances.
You’ve got a good job, close friends, and enough interests to keep you occupied, 24/7.
But despite the fact that you’re happy…
While you know you shouldn’t make any decisions based on societal conventions or what other people think…
An end to your fear and anxiety.
A shoulder to cry upon at the end of a hard day.
A guy to make you laugh when you need it the most.
A man to generously pay for dinner and take care of things around the house.
A best friend, lover and partner-in-crime all wrapped up in one.
A confidante who makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
A husband who vows to be there for you, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, ‘til death do you part.
And as the months and years go by, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy:
The sad thing is that you will NEVER fall in love if you don’t believe in love.
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